In Salt Lake City, I lived in the upper floor of an older house. My apartment was very pretty with a winding staircase that went up from the living room into the attic. My bedroom was in the attic, which was very unique with differing levels of ceiling. Fortunately, for me, I’m height challenged so I enjoyed this uniqueness. There were small windows that surrounded the upper attic bedroom, with pink carpeting. The first spring, I was introduced to some new friends.
These new friends were very friendly though not enjoyed. They surrounded the windows and seemed to multiply at a steady increasing rate. They were creepy black with red stripes on their back. Sometimes, they would fly and swarm around in all sorts of places. They could squeeze into tiny crevices and would welcome themselves everywhere. My new friends were box elder bugs. They came uninvited absent politeness. They were an extreme annoyance, frustrating, and brought creeps with their swarming nature.
Despite many attempts, I could never rid of their existence. I used every sort of bug spray, fumigated my own home to the extent that I nearly fumigated myself. My only recourse was to adjust to their periodic visitation and attempt to enjoy their company. Returning to Illinois, the box elder bug had become a distant memory, a forgotten visitor, until just recently.
I am now approaching over 3 years in my current home. My friends from Salt Lake City have missed me greatly. Their search for the past 11 years has found great success. My friends have found me. I am now surrounded by the friendly infestation of the box elder bugs for another moment in my life.
Walking outside my condo, I see them covering the outside bricks, wood, my window screens, and my door. They are also found periodically swarming inside on my walls. They enjoy swimming and taking a bath in a refreshing cold glass of ice tea or other beverage much to my dislike as I take a sip. I have attempted to have friendly discussions with them to remain outside and off my windows, but all to no avail. Something had to be done.
My first attempt to rid of their existence began. I found poisonous deadly bug spray that was guaranteed to rid of any household pests both inside and outside for up to 12 months. The formula would kill the pesky bugs upon contact, and leave a coating that would continue to destroy. I set out on my first massacre. The dead black bodies fell covering the floor beneath every window, door, crevice, and outside surrounding. Great relief came with the knowledge that my friendly partners are now destroyed never to return.
This weekend with the onset of a couple days of warm weather, I welcomed fresh air. All windows were opened. To my great delight, swarming in mass numbers were my friendly partners who have obviously resurrected from the dead. Oh the joy!
My next attack began as I take the ammunition of greatest force from the closet. The suction power of the great vacuum is certain to assist. I begin to suck up all the dead and live bodies. I do not appreciate unwelcome guests. With the little bug spray that exists, I coat a couple windows. With the vacuum in hand, I open my front door to only find more. I begin to suck them from the door into nonexistence. The more that I am able to remove, they appear to only have a multiplication effect becoming quite overwhelming. I close the door, walk inside, and pretend that these friendly creatures do not exist.
As I sit down to write, my bedroom window is currently clear except for 3 little box elder bugs that have not yet been destroyed. I am now tired and have given up. As stated by several websites that I’m assuming our experts in this dilemma, “In the fall and summer, there is little that can be done to eliminate them, but with a residual insecticide by a pest control specialist, you can discourage them from landing.” It may not be possible to destroy box elder bugs, but with the right assistance, it can be possible to discourage their existence. There is hope. Hallelujah!
The greatest difficulty in my life is very similar to the friendly infestation of box elder bugs. This difficulty is a combination of part sin, selfishness, difficulty of hard life circumstances, and due to my ongoing need for healing of a broken heart. The ongoing struggle that tends to pull me down and away from God’s will is negativity, depression, discontent, tiredness, and self-pity. Today, God has revealed to me that these culprits are not any different than the friendly box elder bug infestation.
The infestation begins small. It begins with one negative event, to a bigger event, to a bigger destruction, and moves to overwhelming greater despair. It can be one disappointment, or several. It can be attempting to live in my own strength versus turning to God asking for His strength. It can be focusing on the areas of pain versus thankfulness for blessings trusting God to remove the pain however he should choose absent my assistance. It can be remembering so many prayers that were not answered in ways that I would desire allowing myself to be filled with sadness versus continuing to pray and remaining hopeful knowing all is in God’s control.
It is easy to live in negativity, depression, lack of contentment, and self-pity. This is where my flesh desires to live because it is the place that I most understand and where all in life makes sense. Yet, this place is not happy. It is filled with hopelessness and absent any of the things of God. It is a place where God does not have control because the infestation of these thoughts is not from him. Despite the ease of living there, it is not my desire.
Just as with box elder bugs, negativity, depression, lack of contentment, and self-pity are difficult to eliminate. It is possible to discourage their existence. Being a single mom and working full-time without any family nearby, at times, becomes overwhelming with responsibility, tiredness, and loneliness. When either my son or myself are sick, negativity is even more apt to enter in with the increased tiredness and the continued demands despite the time needed for rest and recovery. With knowledge of unmet desires, thoughts of discontent easily bring sadness. The sadness further develops into depression with the realization of my age and the things in my life that are not in line with any dream. Simply put, it is quite simple and easy to fall into despair, depression, discontent, and self-pity. I desire to remove my pain, have full and complete healing, be joyful and happy, accomplish God’s will for my life, have growing friendships, love others, be loved, and have a family that is full and complete. Yet, I don’t know how to fulfill the desires of my heart. At times, I do not know that my desires are in line with God’s will further increasing my sadness. In this, there is emptiness and pain in my inability to fix what I see broken.
God is in the pain. He knows the infestation exists and desires to bring hope, love, and fulfillment. How do I see and experience more of God to grow in His likeness, cure the current infestation, and discourage it from developing in the future?
God has revealed to me that my greatest need is for more joy. I need more of Jesus. I need more of His love, joy, healing, and presence. I need more of his strength. I need him to lift me up when I’m tired. I need him to be there when I’m lonely. I need him to fulfill all those needs that a husband would fulfill. I need him to be my everything.
This past week, I’ve felt God speaking to take a journey to joy. This journey is significant because I believe it is the process that discourages the things that aren’t God from residing within me. The journey may not eliminate difficulty, negativity, sadness, self-pity, loneliness, or any other number of negative emotions or life circumstances. Though, the journey will disable the emotions from infestation of my heart and will protect me from allowing life circumstances to demand my focus. I know that this journey will lead me into the love, presence, and fulfillment of Jesus. Today, I begin preparation for this journey. Future posts will reveal more of this journey.
‘I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13 NIV)
“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.” (Psalm 126:5 NIV)
“I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts.” (Isaiah 57:15b NLT)
“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” (Revelation 21:3-5 NIV)
“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” (Psalm 16:11)
“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness… and you have been given fullness in Christ.” (Colossians 2:6-7, 10a)
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things… Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:2, 12-17 NIV)
Copyright 2009, Eternally Hopeful Ministries
