Old Maid Syndrome

A devotion for the single heart……………..

Most of us have enjoyed and watched the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life”.  It is an inspiring movie.  George Bailey (played by James Stewart) is the central focus.  He is a kind man, hard working, and loves his family.  Yet, he also has resentment deep within.  He desires a different life.  Through a series of circumstances, George determines that his life is worth more dead than alive.  His wish is granted by his guardian angel, Clarence.  George’s life is now recreated as if he never did exist.

In very little time, George begins to realize that everything has changed.  In his anger, frustration and confusion, he demands Clarence to reveal the whereabouts of his beloved wife, Mary (played by Donna Reed).

“Where’s Mary?  Where’s Mary?  Tell me where she is!” demands George.

“You’re not going to like it George,” states Clarence.

“Tell me where she is!” further demands George.

“She’s an Old Maid.  She never married.  She’s just about to close up the library!” informs Clarence.

George runs through town.  Mary is locking the library door.  She is meek, scared, and clutching her purse tightly as if the mere ability to live in the world absent a spouse is an impossible feat.  She avoids people and appears to live in isolation.  There are few little girls who would place on the top of the list, “I want to grow up to be a lonely, isolated, withdrawn Old Maid.”

Instead, our image is quite another extreme of this reality.  We paint a vision of a fairy tale.  It could be Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, or maybe even the Little Mermaid.  Or, if you choose, you can turn on the television and all will communicate an identical version.  Absent all forms of entertainment and advertising, all of us have a version repeating within our hearts and minds.  I need to be rescued by a man.  If I do not find that man, my life will result in loneliness, misery, isolation, rejection, or easily defined as ‘The Old Maid’.

Do you recall playing the card game “Old Maid” when you were little?  I do very well.  We had special “Old Maid” cards.  The picture of the “Old Maid” was hideous.  The loser is the one at the end of the game holding the “Old Maid” card.  What if I live my life to avoid being dealt the “Old Maid”?

Be honest with yourself.  If you never marry or never remarry, will you define yourself as “The Old Maid”?  If you desire truth, the following questions may assist:  Do you have a time frame for God as to when He is expected to ‘get you married’?  Would you sacrifice ‘YOU’ to merely change your status?  Would just any man satisfy and qualify to be your husband?  Would you sacrifice the well being of your child(ren) to have a ring on your finger?  Is all of your hope and happiness placed in the potential future wedding day?  Could you be happy and fulfilled even if you were to always remain single?  Are you satisfied with Jesus as your husband, lover, comforter, and encourager?

These questions can be painful to answer.  Especially if you have never been married and are so hoping for this day, the thought of never being blessed with this opportunity may be extremely difficult to even grasp and create great pain.  For those of us who have been married, a similar pain may also exist with the realization that we have already tried and the commitment was broken which could lead to ongoing thoughts of failure and rejection.  With the death of a beloved spouse, our fears may be quite different involving the potential for another loss.  Regardless if God provides that husband in his perfect timing, our fulfillment should always begin in Christ first and foremost.

^“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him…”  (Psalm 37:4-7 NIV)

 There are times when I periodically struggle with loneliness having that desire for a relationship.  Though, in honesty, I would tell you that I am okay with being single.  I know that God has a plan and purpose in all things.  When my feelings bring me down, I must refocus my eyes to Jesus because truth is most important.  In God’s timing, he’ll bring the desires of my heart or he’ll transform my desires so that my heart is in line with His perfect will.  When I am able to live in His perfect will, I am completely fulfilled and my ‘status’ is irrelevant.

In reality, anyone can become an “Old Maid”.  The Old Maid Syndrome has absolutely nothing to do with relationship status, outward appearance, or even gender.  Reciting wedding vows and placing a ring on your finger will not be enough.  The simple immunization for ‘The Old Maid Syndrome’ is to fall in love with Jesus Christ.

^“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”  (Luke 12:6-7 NIV)

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  (Psalm 139:13-14 NIV)

He is the one that will fulfill your every need.  He loves everything about you.  He is the lover of your soul.  He looks at you and sees pure beauty.  He loves you exactly as he made you.  There is nothing that you can do that will make him love you more.  All he desires from you is your love, intimacy, and closeness.  He delights in You.  It is His greatest desire to bless you.  Allow him to bless you in the ways that He has planned.

Regardless of your marital status, if you desire REAL fulfillment, His perfect Will is where we need to live.  It isn’t always easy but He will enable us along the way when our eyes are drawn elsewhere.  And, if we do walk away, His love is so great that he will wait.  He will wait as long as it takes until we are ready to fully receive the many gifts that he desires to give.  Will you allow Jesus to love you, bless you, and fulfill your every need?

“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.”  (Jeremiah 31:3-4 NIV)